It’s during the night, I look at the empty space on the side of my bed, now filled with two bassinets and think about the two lives that will occupy them in the next month or so. It’s an unreal feeling to know I will be a parent again. I for so long saw and could only see me and my daughter. I mean almost 10 year later I’m starting over, and with twins no less.
But more than unreal I’m starting to get butterflies, which is pretty darn hard with two babies in my stomach. Every time I see an ultrasound I wonder how do they manage in there, but it’s all just a miracle.
I’ve had to step outside myself and step into a new me to take on this huge responsibility. I know that I have to put them first, whatever selfish parts I had left has gone to them. Now, I’m not perfect, and I have plenty of worry and stress. It’s not easy having to handle this situation on my own, but I have done my best to keep myself together and maintain my household with the child I already have.
So as I look at my babies bassinets, I care nothing more to be here for them, to care for there needs and to hold them when they cry. It’s going to be a total experience around here, new life, new hopes, new possibilities, new noises, new smells (eww) will lay in those bassinets.
Am I ready for the new adventure? Hell yes, why not! Lots of people are caught up in the adventure of careers and making society happy, but I’m caught up in this adventure called life. I will not let this opportunity slip me by, because there is nothing more rewarding, nothing more worthy, nothing more gracious in Gods eye’s then the making of family.
Life is nothing without people in it and to know life you must not only give yourself to the making of it, but you must be present in the rearing of it (life).
Being that I’m pregnant and single I don’t feel that my pregnancy should stop me from dating. I mean with all the stress there is in life I deserve to be able to go out and have some fun especially when my body is up to it. I don’t think I should allow my current state to determine my womanhood. Being that I am a woman and I still have desires.
I feel that it very important to maintain that separateness from being pregnant and being a woman. I still love to go out and enjoy myself, I still enjoy the company of a man, going to social gatherings and mingling. Right now there is a dance class I want to join and I need a partner. Which I think would be a great outlet for me, keep me active while I’m pregnant and keep me social.
There may be only so much I can do but the doesn’t mean I have to just sit alone and wait until the babies come. I think being happy and enjoying ones self is the best thing you can do when you pregnant.
“Remembering Our Differences
Without the awareness that we are supposed to be different, men and women are at odds with each other. We usually become angry or frustrated with the opposite sex because we have forgotten this important truth. We expect the opposite sex to be more like ourselves. We desire them to “want what we want” and “feel the way we feel.” ” (Gray, 2001)
Now I bring this up because it seems no matter the calmness, the coolness that is collected on either end someone is angry or frustrated. I can’t tell you how many times I thought the situation was cool and out of the closet came this mystery of anger. I be like “Damn!”
When I was a girl I had my life planned out as I’m sure a lot of us did. I was going to be a business woman and since I would be so busy building my emperor I wouldn’t have time for a man or kids. But I was smart enough to know that I would probably want kids (because I’m a woman) so I figured I would start about 30, and I wouldn’t have a man I would just go to a fertility clinic. So at about age 10 I had it all worked out.
Then at about age 22 that was all shot to hell when my daughter arrived… Long story short I knew it would be a battle for me and whom ever I’d end up with, cause I’m a leader not a follower, I have a common sense attitude. If you don’t have common sense then I don’t want to deal with you.
Being with a man makes that very difficult. Cause they just plainly do shit that make no sense what so ever. So as I learn how to better understand a man and his way of thinking. I am reminded of the relationship class I took in college. We had to read and discuss Men Are From Mars, Women Are from Venus. Now I haven’t retained that much, but I grab the book every time I need to give my man an excuse for being an ass.