Tag Archives: understands

Bassinets for two please


It’s during the night, I look at the empty space on the side of my bed, now filled with two bassinets and think about the two lives that will occupy them in the next month or so. It’s an unreal feeling to know I will be a parent again. I for so long saw and could only see me and my daughter. I mean almost 10 year later I’m starting over, and with twins no less.

But more than unreal I’m starting to get butterflies, which is pretty darn hard with two babies in my stomach. Every time I see an ultrasound I wonder how do they manage in there, but it’s all just a miracle.

I’ve had to step outside myself and step into a new me to take on this huge responsibility. I know that I have to put them first, whatever selfish parts I had left has gone to them. Now, I’m not perfect, and I have plenty of worry and stress. It’s not easy having to handle this situation on my own, but I have done my best to keep myself together and maintain my household with the child I already have.

So as I look at my babies bassinets, I care nothing more to be here for them, to care for there needs and to hold them when they cry. It’s going to be a total experience around here, new life, new hopes, new possibilities, new noises, new smells (eww)  will lay in those bassinets.

Am I ready for the new adventure? Hell yes, why not! Lots of people are caught up in the adventure of careers and making society happy, but I’m caught up in this adventure called life. I will not let this opportunity slip me by, because there is nothing more rewarding, nothing more worthy, nothing more gracious in Gods eye’s then the making of family.

Life is nothing without people in it and to know life you must not only give yourself to the making of it, but you must be present in the rearing of it (life).

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Life gives me writers block


Life gives me writers block. I don’t know how many blogs I’ve made and put my best foot forward to be the writer, the thought provoking illustrator of words I’ve always felt I could be. Then baam life hits! And then I lose my mind to say it truthfully.

My words disappear and life consumes me. I’ve felt eaten alive. Then somewhere I would give up. I gave up on me and my writing. I gave up on my dream to be what God put me in existence for, to be a voice, to show my skill, to put forth my ideals, my complex thoughts and structurally vivid dreams.

Given up is like an addiction. It’s so easy to do but so very hard to stop. I think after my sisters murder in 2007, given up on me became all to easy. And people would say well life goes on but life had truly stopped for me. Life existed but I was no longer apart of the world. I’ve been walking around detached, uninvolved and trying to find me but I had been really dissatisfied.

Dissatisfied with how cruel life is but people continue to love, give and appreciate. How can one go on when someone so dear is taken away. In such a horrendous way. I’ve been struggling with this question but then I look around me and I know I have to stop feeling sorry for myself.

My sister was not only taken from me but she was taken from her 14 year old son. Our mother and brother, and many friends and family members who adored her to pieces. My sister was loved and left this world loved. I think that is the best I will get from this tragedy.

Since that day on May 18, 2007. I’ve cocooned myself never wanting to be hurt like that again. Not by life, not by my mistakes, not by anyone. But in doing that I have only hurt myself and my sister. As I continue to shield myself from life, I only take away my chances of true happiness.

But that stops today. I’m grabbing a hold of what is stopping me, ME! I’m shaking myself back to consciousness and realizing my dreams, my worth, my desires, my goals. Oprah said it and many before her “Never give up.”

I’m going to take that advice as I have decided to move forward with my life. I’m shedding my shell and opening a new chapter. I vow to no longer let life take my writing away. I promise myself even when I am down I will find the strength to write another day. Writing brings me such relief and I should not turn myself away from that.

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Filed under Kizze Talks About, Random me, Thoughts

The Help aint me, could have never done it, my Mouth is to unruley ) ) )


Cover of "The Help"

Cover of The Help

I was watching TV the other day, saw this new movie coming out called The Help. I found out it was first a book written by Kathryn Stockett depicting the 1960’s and black maids and there white employers. Just from the one trailer I saw on TV, I couldn’t wait to get my hands on a copy of the book. As I know and many readers know, the book is always better than the movie. It’s the original thought before the subtractions and exciting improves.

So, I’m reading the book and can hardly put it down long enough to write this entry on how good it is thus far. Now for me it takes a certain kind of book that can pursued me to stay in it all day and night until I am finished. The Help is that book. The characters are realistically sound. The way the author tells each persons side threw them, shows a life in the sixties that if I was there they would throw me back to the 80’s where I came from.

Disease carrying, separate bathroom shitting, floor wiping, dish washing, clothes hanging, child rearing, good cooking, silver polishing, shirt ironing, blanket folding, party catering, bus riding, hush your mouth or your fired, black ass having, under paid maid. And the list goes on. What a world! The book is filled with indifference, understanding and kitchen gossip. Love it!

I can only relate to these maids, servants, house prostitutes (in a kind way) in the face of being strong, a superwoman, a jack of all trades. I wonder how they put up with the nonsense, the indescribable insensitivity, the overly arrogant display of ignorance. The book portrays black women as the strong silent type. Keeping their mouths quiet in the face of all that is unholy, so they may eat, live, survive!

I couldn’t even fathom being in that time period. I’m a truth teller, word smith wheeler and dealer, and for someone to take that away from me, would be a crime. But the strength to continue and live in such a humiliating disposition, I understand things a bit better. I guess that’s why my grandmother moved west. I’ve never had the pleasure of such a contradiction of life, but I have run into foolish people with foolish thoughts, and it didn’t take me but a second to snap on that ignorance.

The book is a real good outlook on the turmoil of a black women in the south being a white persons “maid”. A testimony of the strength one has in an obstacle of a consensus way of thinking. I’m enjoying every book turning moment…Can you dig it!

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Word Seed


Word Seed

 

You know what I need,

is someone,

who understands me,

and,

the fact that I need,

to germinate my word seed,

my mind is a conglomerate,

of phrases,

unedited grammar,

and some bullshit,

it’s life on my mind,

issues of the times,

that my tongue spit,

I may work in a convoluted process of steps,

sometimes i get in my own way and trip,

but with thoughts abundant,

I’m able to get back up and run shit,

so I need somebody who understands,

I am,

who I am!

By: Kizzewrites

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